


Can We Skip To The Good Part?

by TheTealTea



Category: Doctor Who, Doctor Who & Related Fandoms, Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Human, Angst and Feels, Angst and Fluff and Smut, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, Dark, Drama, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Eventual Romance, Eventual Smut, Everyone is saying drama so here you go, F/M, First Kiss, Fluff and Angst, Fluff and Smut, How Do I Tag, How do I write fluff?, Human AU, I promise, Idiots in Love, Its going to get dark af, Romance, Sex, Smut, Trigger warnings in each chapter, but it will get better
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-03-02
Updated: 2020-03-15
Packaged: 2021-02-28 03:07:16
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 12,698
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22986832
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheTealTea/pseuds/TheTealTea
Summary: HUMAN AU DOCTOR x MASTERJane lives a happy life. She has friends, a job as a doctor and a nice purple sofa.However, everything changed when a person from her past came to her quite literally on her doorstep.-----Title by AJR's Good Part
Relationships: The Doctor & The Master (Doctor Who), Thirteenth Doctor/The Master (Dhawan)
Comments: 17
Kudos: 112





	1. Surprise

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just need these two together and I love them.
> 
> TW: Blood
> 
> TW: Wounds

They were having a friends’ night. Ryan, Yaz and Jane were all on the big purple sofa in Jane’s home. They had a movie on, but no one was paying attention to it. They were busier talking, eating ice cream and poking each other rather than looking at the moving images. The three of them had been friends for ages, since high school, to be precise. Jane had moved in, had no friends and was socially awkward. Taking pity on her, Ryan and Yaz started talking to her, but before they knew, a very strong friendship grew from all of them. Even if they had chosen different careers, they still had each other for support when one of them needed it.

They were discussing whether mint and chocolate was a match made on heaven or whether it was an abomination created by Satan himself when there was a knock on the front door. Ryan looked quizzically at the others.

“Did you hear that?”

“Was that a knock or just a thunder?”

“I don’t know.”

The next knocks were louder and gave a sense of urgency.

“Okay, definitely knocking.”

“Who could it be? It’s very late.”

Jane was already un-lodging herself from her sofa, putting the chips on the coffee table.

“Better to find out, don’t you say?”

While Yaz muted the TV, Jane got up and to the front door. She could hear the rain clearer now, raging strong and violently outside the building. Jane opened the door and looked at the person who knocked.

Her eyes grew wide when she saw his face.

“…surprise…”

The newcomer had barely enough time to speak before his legs gave out. Jane was quick enough though, and grabbed him before he hit the cold wet ground. She was in shock, but under the dim light of her porch she could see him better. He was soaked from head to toe, breathing heavily, fighting to stay conscious. She brushed some hair out of his eyes and saw crimson red. The colour was leaking out of him from his forehead, but his face was also covered in other colours like blue and purple. Looking downwards, she saw more of the crimson red against his hands. One of them still clutching his side.

Her instincts and training kicked in.

“Yaz! Ryan! I need you here!”

Her friends noted the panic in her voice and wasted no time to move next to her.

“What the-?”

“Who is he?”

She needed to work on him _now_.

“No time, help me get him to the sofa, he’s bleeding.”

While the newcomer was being held up transported by Jane and Yaz, Ryan moved to get everything they had put on the table and sofa out of the way and went to get the first aid kit. They all moved quickly, after all, time was of the essence, and both Jane and Yaz knew that by heart. The girls left him on the sofa as softly as they could, but the man still grunted in pain. Ryan came back with the supplies, Jane thanked him, put on gloves and addressed the bleeding man with her professional voice.

“I need to take a look at your wounds, but for that I’ll need to take your clothes off first. Do you understand?”

The man had his eyes closed and showed no sign of any response, although he still was very much conscious and in pain.

“Isha! Do you have more wounds?”

“…don’t know…”

Yaz and Ryan looked at the other before looking at Jane. Did she know this man? How did she know him? Why hadn’t they ever heard of him before? Jane, however, continued talking to him.

“I’ll tear your clothes off; they are too wet to move without disturbing you. I need you to stay awake, alright?”

The man called Isha didn’t answer, just grunted heavily.

“Isha! Answer me!”

“Ugh. Yes, yes! I heard you the first time!”

Jane turned to grab some scissors from the kit and started cutting off his shirt. While doing so, she addressed to Yaz with still her professional tone.

“On the count of three, I will need you to put him in a sitting position, take out his jacket and shirt and look at his back for major wounds. Got it?”

Yaz decided that now was not the time for personal questions.

“Got it.”

She finished cutting his shirt and opened it. There were a handful of long healed cicatrices and another handful of more cuts on his chest that also needed her attention apart from the big wound, but that could just wait a couple of minutes more. She also noticed two patterns in the dark hematomas; one group smaller, the other group larger, like punching and kicking, but decided to comment against it.

“Okay. One, two, three!”

The hurting man screamed painfully as his position changed. Ryan held him in place while Jane and Yaz took off his upper clothing, leaving it with a wet sound on the floor. Yaz checked his back.

“Status?”

Yaz noticed some old scars apart from the obvious.

“Nothing major, just a ton of dark bruising.”

“Okay, down now.”

He hissed again between his teeth when the three of them put him down again. His breathing slowed, slowly fading into the unconscious, but Jane still needed him awake. She patted his check to keep him grounded in this world.

“Hey! Still here?”

“…sadly yes.”

Jane took a small torch from the kit and shone it in his eyes, keeping them open with the other hand. That seemed to wake him up a bit.

“For fuck’s-!”

“Mild concussion, explains the bleeding on the forehead. I really need to keep you conscious now, make sure you don’t have a brain haemorrhage.”

“Would explain some things if I do.”

She ignores his sarcastic comment and continues with her job.

“How are your legs? Do you have injuries there too?”

“Don’t think so.”

If there’s another wound or a broken bone there he could be in serious trouble, more so than the cut on his stomach.

“Isha, I’m going to touch your legs for more injuries, tell me if anything hurts more than normal. Yaz, Ryan, keep pressure on that cut and keep cleaning the surroundings.”

Yaz kept pressuring the wound with both her hands and some gauze dressings while Ryan took another one and cleaned the blood that managed to flow out. Jane, on the other hand, started patting his legs quickly but with expertise. She noted some discomfort and some tensed areas, probably because of more bruising, but everything seemed to be as okay as one could be in his situation.

“Alright, nothing major; back to the bleeding then.”

Yaz took her hands and gauze away. There was a lot of blood around it, which made it more difficult to actually assess the damages. Jane took some alcohol and another sterile dressing before turning to the man on the sofa.

“This is going to hurt.”

He sighed painfully.

“Just do it already.”

She nodded and addressed to her friends.

“Pin him down, shoulders, arms, hips and legs; don’t let him move.”

After he was safely secured, Jane poured a good amount of alcohol on the dressing and pressed it against the cut. He screamed so loudly and painfully, Jane thought he might pass out. She cleaned more of the blood and inspected the wound and its surroundings. This did nothing to mitigate his pain, but instead fuelled it. After what seemed like an eternity from him, she moved away.

“The wound is deep, but the upwards angle of entrance made it so it cut no organs, major arteries or veins. You’re lucky though, it’s close to the lungs.”

He was breathing even heavier than before, gritting between his teeth.

“Yeah Jane, real lucky here.”

Jane inspected the other cuts with a glance.

“The others are more superficial. Need to stop the bleeding of this one first. Ryan!”

“What do you need?”

“There’s a pack of ice in the freezer, bottom drawer. Grab some cleaning cloths too.”

“On my way.”

Jane kept pressure on his wound. As the situation calmed down, Yaz’s mind only seemed to get more excited with thoughts and theories. She gave voice to the elephant in the room.

“You two know each other?”

“Long story.”

He chuckled at Jane’s short response.

“Oh, so now I’m long story?”

God, not his talking again.

“Please, do shut up. I can make it more painful if I want to.”

“You wouldn’t do it, I’ve been staaaaaaaAAAAAAAAGH!”

She shifted the pressure on his wound, making it hurt him but not actually causing him any permanent or serious damage. At least, not more than he had already inflicted upon his body. Point being she was a doctor and knew how to hurt bodies with the minimal interaction possible.

“You were saying?”

Oh, how he hated the smirk she was giving him.

“I hate you.”

“And why in Hell’s name were you bleeding outside my house, raining cats and dogs, on a Friday night?”

“You were my last choice.”

“And yet you decided to seek my help.”

“I’m back!”

He was saved by Ryan, who would have thought. Jane went back to work; wrapping the cloth around the ice bags and putting it on the major wound. He hissed at the contact and she was glad to give him more discomfort. She grabbed his still bloody hand and put it on top of it.

“Make sure to keep the pressure on. I’ll patch the other cuts up while we wait for the bleeding to stop.”

He looked at Jane puzzled.

“Don’t I need anaesthesia for this?”

“If you’d had called 999 you’d get some, but here you are, stuck with me without drugs.”

As Jane starts stitching his other cuts, an uncomfortable silence falls between the four of them. Yaz and Ryan look at each other before the male speaks up, breaking the silent curse.

“I’m sorry, did I miss something?”

Yaz, still amazed by how oblivious her friend could be, answers that question.

“They know each other.”

“Is he from work?”

At that, Isha laughs, which earns him a small slap on the chest from Jane and a soft ‘Stop moving!’, but that doesn’t stop him from enjoying this.

“Oh please, do I really look like a doctor? Like her?”

Jane doesn’t look at him, just keeps focused on her task, but she still asks.

“Oh, so you’ve been keeping tabs on me?”

“Just as you’ve been keeping tabs on me, love. Don’t think I wouldn’t have noticed.”

Yaz, however, found that although those two talked, they barely said anything.

“How long have you known Jane?”

“Practically all my life.”

“But you don’t know all my life.”

From her tone of voice, Isha could tell that she was defensive now. Struck a nerve? Yaz noticed this and pressed further.

“What do you mean?”

Since Jane didn’t answer this time, he took it upon himself to speak for both of them.

“We’ve been on and off the other’s life. Nothing too constant, but always there.”

She finished stitching the small cuts and finally looked at him after what felt like an eternity.

“If you’re good to talk, care to tell me why do you have knife wounds?”

“I tried to tell you, I’ve been stabbed.”

“And you expect me to believe it wasn’t your fault?”

“It’s the truth.”

She couldn’t trust him. Not after everything he’d done.

“When is it ever _not_ your fault?”

“Do I look like I can mix with neo-Nazis?”

Well, that seems to shut her up. And everyone else in the room. Need to change the conversation? Bring up some neo-Nazis.

“Yeah, thought so.”

Her change was immediate, he could see anger and rage and terror in her eyes.

“What the hell Isha?!”

“No need to shout, love.”

“Why were you with Nazis?!”

Oh, God. Did she ever listen?

“I just told you I wasn’t with them! This group just targeted me! They thought I was an easy target.”

Her anger and rage was changed to horror and fright. Terror was still there.

“Oh, oh no. Please Isha, please tell me you didn’t-”

He knew what she was talking about. She was asking if he had killed somebody. _Again_.

“No, but I would’ve loved to. Half of them definitely need to get patched up too.”

“How many are we talking about?”

“A dozen if I’m right, and I’m usually right. I counted twelve of them.”

Yaz was absolutely shocked to say the least. Twelve against one, he was still alive and managed to take down half of the group.

“You hurt six people?!”

“Look Jane, she’s impressed too.”

He really looked like a proud puppy now. Except that he was not a puppy and nearly killing six people shouldn’t make anyone proud. Jane’s voice was serious now.

“You shouldn’t have done that.”

“And what? Expect for someone to find me the next morning in a pool of my own blood? You’d really think I wouldn’t defend myself?”

He had a point. She hated it when he had a point.

“If you killed someone…”

“I didn’t manage to.”

Jane corrected her phrase.

“ _If someone dies from your consequences_ , you’re in deep trouble.”

“When I am not?”

He always drove her mad.

“Isha! I’m fucking serious!”

“So am I! All this scum should die!”

“But you can’t be the one to pull the trigger!”

“Why not?!”

“Because-!”

Thoughts run around her head. Thoughts about their youths, about their promise. She saw a happy child in those memories. She hoped this child was still living inside of him.

_Because I still care about you. Because I still need you. Because I still love you._

She couldn’t dare to say any of it.

“Just because!”

“Wow, good talk right here.”

She sighed and moved to the stab wound. She patched him up and retrieved all her equipment while taking off her bloody gloves.

“Looks like the bleeding’s stopped. You’re stitched so you can leave.”

Jane got up and moved to the bathroom to put her first aid kit back on its place. Yaz, however, followed her.

“Jane! You can’t seriously-”

After all those years, she was still angry at him.

“Yes I can and I will! This is _my_ home and _my_ life!”

“And I suppose he doesn’t have a place in it?”

“He doesn’t. Not anymore.”

Yaz ran her hands through her hair, a habit when she was nervous. Time to think of another tactic then.

“Jane, please be rational.”

“I am.”

“No you’re not! It’s the middle of a stormy night, he’s seriously hurt, moving would just open the wound again and you destroyed his clothes. Am I right to believe he’s got nowhere to go?”

Jane took a moment to answer, her arms crossed.

“…You’re right.”

Yaz grabbed one of her arms.

“Jane, you are a doctor, you help people. Why won’t you help him?”

“He doesn’t deserve any more help from me.”

“Since when do you give up on people?”

She looked away from Yaz. She didn’t know Isha, they didn’t know their past.

“Just let him stay for the night.”

“You don’t know who he is.”

“He is a man in need of a doctor, and maybe even a friend. So start to act like one.”

She blew some air out as she seemed to think about it. For some moments, Yaz thought she wouldn’t change her mind, but then Jane disappeared into her room and came back out with an oversized hoodie of hers, some pyjama’s pants and a fluffy blanket. She put it on the coffee table in front of Isha, just as he was sitting up.

“Do you have any weapons?”

Her tone was still cold and strong.

“Not here, they took mine.”

She looked at him dead in the eye.

“You can stay the night, but that’s it. You will sleep on the sofa, my mates will leave and I’ll sleep in my room. _Do not_ go inside my room. The bathroom’s the second door on the left.”

He looked at the once purple sofa, now stained with crimson. Even with the added touch, it was still a better bed than what he was used to. He exhaled deeply.

“I ruined your sofa, didn’t I?”

“Yeah, you’ll buy me another one.”

Jane turned to leave the room, going to get her friends when his voice spoke up from the silence.

“What made you change your mind?”

This time, when she looked in his eyes, he could see sadness in them.

“…Time.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey!
> 
> Thank you for sticking with me!
> 
> So, story is still a wip but I'll keep uploading whenever I finish the chapters, I still got Uni and projects but I'll surely continue this story.
> 
> Also, Isha in Hindi means Master so it was only fit for him.
> 
> Kuddos and Comments are appreciated!
> 
> :3


	2. By My Side

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jane and Isha remember the past, talk about the present and hope for the future.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I would like to make you know that I'm not English nor a native English speaker so constructive criticism is appreciated and welcomed!
> 
> There are some changes in the tagging but I'll also say it here.
> 
> TW: Panic / Anxiety Attacks
> 
> TW: Violence
> 
> TW: Xenophobia / Racism
> 
> TW: Blood

_He found her crying in a corner, all by herself. She was hugging her knees and sobbing quietly, but it was still loud enough for him to hear. He moved step by step, as careful as he could, as if not to startle a wild animal. However, she did notice him. She had big wet eyes and quickly dismissed him with a snap._

_“Go away!”_

_He didn’t go away. In fact, the kid moved closer to her._

_“Why are you crying?”_

_“Don’t look at me!”_

_“Why?”_

_“’Cause I’m dumb!”_

_How could a girl like her be dumb? It didn’t make sense; she didn’t look like the other bullies._

_“You’re not dumb.”_

_“Yes I am!”_

_“Why?”_

_She sniffled and moved her head enough to see him kneeling next to her. His eyes were dark, the complete opposite of hers, but that only seemed to draw her in even more._

_“I don’t even know my own name…”_

_“You don’t have a name?”_

_“’Course I do, silly! But that one’s just what they call me.”_

_She started sobbing again before continuing._

_“I can’t remember my real name.”_

_He put a hand on her knee, turning to her, catching her attention._

_“It’s okay, I also don’t have one.”_

_“You don’t have a name?”_

_“Nope, same as you.”_

_She was still, quietly staring at him. Maybe he wasn’t the same as the others. Maybe he was just as different as her. His eyes lit up in less than a second._

_“I have an idea! What if we make our own names?”_

_“You mean like nicknames?”_

_“Yeah!”_

_“Well, that’s just stupid.”_

_“Well, it’s not. You’re crying ‘cause of it.”_

_He was right and she hated it. She didn’t want to talk to him anymore, but he was persistent._

_“How about you choose mine and I choose yours?”_

_“That’s even stupider.”_

_A thought seemed to cross his mind._

_“How many days have you been here?”_

_“Nine. Why?”_

_“So nine was… Theta!”_

_She frowned in confusion at the strange child._

_“What?”_

_“Theta! That’ll be your name! It’s the Greek number for nine.”_

_“Why would my name be a number? It doesn’t make sense.”_

_“Well, get used to it, because it’s your new name now.”_

_“No!”_

_She sulked at him, but couldn’t find it in her soul to get mad at him. He was just trying to help her feel better, even if he was very annoying. After a while, she spoke again._

_“I’m calling you Koschei then.”_

_“Huh? What’s that?”_

_“S’posed to be a God who won’t leave the living. Not sure what that means, but you’re not leaving me alone, so you reminded me of him.”_

_“Great! Then let’s start again!”_

_The boy got up to his feet and in front of her. He quickly and happily extended his hand to her. She didn’t know what he was playing at, but she liked this kid. His eyes full of illusion and hope._

_“Hi! I’m Koschei!”_

_“...I'm Theta.”_

_“Wanna be my best friend forever?”_

_She smiled for the first time in those nine days. Her eyes full of magic and excitement. She took his hand._

_“Only if you’ll be mine forever.”_

_*****_

Jane barely got any sleep that night. She kept turning on her bed as the rain outside slowly subsided. She had apologised to Yaz and Ryan the night before for making them leave earlier than expected. After that, she just saw Isha once more when he was trying to put the borrowed sweater over his head. She just turned to the corridor and went upstairs to her bedroom. She didn’t hear him move much around the house, maybe because of tiredness, maybe because of pain, or maybe because she had asked him so.

When the clock marked 06:13 she got fed up of staying in her bed doing nothing so she got up. Jane went downstairs and, although she didn’t want to, she cursed herself for checking how Isha was doing. He had managed to put on her sweater after all, and a leg was hanging off the sofa. His face, still marked with bruising, looked almost peaceful, as if he hadn’t slept this well in ages. She huffed. He probably hadn’t had a proper night’s sleep in who knows how long, and he had just been attacked the night before. He looked like all those years hadn’t passed, as if they were still kids, smiling, laughing, running around between the red autumn leaves in the garden of the-.

_Nope. Not going down that rabbit hole._

She quickly went to the kitchen. What was she thinking? So much time had passed, they had grown apart, took on different paths in life. She was a doctor for goodness sake! And Isha… Isha killed people for fun and money! How could they even be friends?

It was when Jane moved to grab some eggs from the fridge that she realized her hands were shaking and her breaths were a tad too short.

_Not here, please, not now._

She left the eggs on the counter and leaned against the cold metallic door of the fridge. Jane closed her eyes for a moment and started to count.

“Five things… five things…”

It was barely a whisper, but after a while, the grounding technique had calmed her down enough to stop shaking her hands. Sighing, she realised she was still very tired from yesterday.

Jane cooked. She really liked cooking, even if she wasn’t very good at it. It calmed her down and she needed to eat in order to start the awful day ahead of her. She didn’t notice she had cooked pancakes for two until they were already done. At first, Jane considered eating in the kitchen, but this was her own home, just because Isha was here it didn’t mean she had to eat elsewhere.

As she moved the stuff to the table, Jane heard some ragged breathing coming from the sofa. With curiosity, she circled the sofa until she was in front of him. Not too close though. Isha’s peaceful face from before had turned into a pained frown, he was moving slightly in his sleep and a couple of tears were gently falling down his face.

Even after everything he’d suffered and endured, he didn’t deserve this too.

Carefully, Jane grabbed a cushion from the floor and threw it at him. His reaction was instinctually fast. Before he even woke up, he had tried to strangle the cushion. Isha’s eyes slowly opened and saw the figure standing before him as she left for the table.

“You’re welcome, by the way.”

“What for?”

“Your nightmares. The tears were a dead giveaway.”

Isha unconsciously brought a hand to his cheek, it came back wet.

“Why the pillow, though?”

“You tried to kill it in your sleep and you still think I want to be close to you?”

Jane sat down on her usual spot of the table, still talking to him, pushing his buttons without a care.

“I wonder; what nightmares do soulless assassins like you even dream of?”

“Oh, fuck off.”

Isha had managed to bring himself to sit on the ruined sofa and bed for the night, but when he tried to stand up it was a whole another level of difficulty.

“ARGH!”

She didn’t even look up from her plate.

“Still hurting, I see. The movement restriction should keep you from murdering for a couple of weeks.”

“You’re not giving me enough credit.”

He moved slowly and crippling to the table, a hand on his stab wound. As he saw the table set, he noticed two plates on it, one opposite to the other.

“What’s this?”

“What does it look like?”

Isha did not, in fact, connect the dots.

“You’re expecting someone?”

“Oh, for God’s sake, I made you breakfast!”

“Why would you do that?”

His words hurt her deeply, however, she didn’t let it show.

“You either sit down or I’m gonna change my mind about you.”

Isha sat down again sluggishly and damning every God that there might be. Once settled, he looked at her. Jane was not paying him any attention whatsoever, doing her own things and eating pancakes. What he let out was a quiet murmur, but she still heard him.

“…Thanks.”

_That_ caught her attention.

“I’m sorry, what did you say?”

“Learn to take a compliment, would you? I’m not gonna repeat it.”

A smile slips her lips before either of them notices.

They ate in peace, a calm and comforting silence hovering above them. She didn’t look at him and, after a moment, he also focused his gaze at the food. He ate slower, he always had. She was already starting on her second pancake just as he bit down for the fourth time. He seemed hungry nontheless.

Shame he had to ruin the moment. It had almost seemed… domestic, somehow.

“You didn’t sleep.”

She gave him the biggest eye roll in her history.

“Oh, thank you for stating the obvious, captain… obvious.”

Isha didn’t read her frustration in the words and pressed further.

“Why couldn’t you sleep?”

She lost it then and there, voice raising after every word that left her mouth.

“What do you think, Isha? I’ve got a fucking _murderer_ in my home, who I let in _willingly_ last night, not knowing if he still wants to kill _me_ and, to top it all, I made him fucking _pancakes_ for breakfast!”

This silence was different than the one before. Isha didn’t look scared of her nor had he reacted to her volume. Instead he looked… disappointed? Sad? Let down? It was when he stood up that Jane realised the gravity of her outburst.

“I’ll be gone before you finish.”

Oh. Oh no. Why did she feel bad? Why did she want to hurt him? No one could change the past, so what point was she trying to prove? Did he need to suffer as much as her? Did _she_ need to suffer as much as him?

_He cared about you. He was preoccupied about you. And you fucking turned him away, just like all those years ago. You’ve broken his heart again. You’ve abandoned him once more._

“Wait.”

_You’ll never see him again if he walks through that door._

“Isha wait!”

“I was never welcomed here in the first place.”

“Isha, I… I know it sounds stupid, but-”

He turned to face her. His face was stone cold, hiding every possible emotion that could have been used against him. She had attacked him and he put the strong barriers up again. She didn’t want this, she needed to-

_Say sorry? Is that all I’m going to do? After I stabbed him in the back?_

She needed to improvise quick.

“When was the last time you had a proper meal?”

…Even if she wasn’t very good at making things up at the moment.

“Oh Jane, you underestimate how much my job actually pays.”

She hated that he said ‘job’.

“And yet you can’t afford a proper bed. Or a sofa for that matter.”

“I didn’t come here to be insulted. Do you want to make your point before I leave?”

He was getting frustrated. This was her last chance.

“You can’t leave with my clothes, and don’t you think about running around dressed like that in January. You also kind of owe me a new sofa. So, wherever you need to go to sort this all out, I’ll give you a lift.”

Isha laughed at her, even if it was sarcastically. It seemed that she had won, even if it just was for now. Why did she want him to stay anyway?

“That’s a good one! Since when can you drive?”

Jane pulled a face and crossed her arms.

“Oi! I am a better driver than you believe!”

“If it’s as good as your cooking, _you’re_ going to be the one to kill me first.”

Her face dropped and he didn’t seem to notice. Or if he did, he didn’t care enough.

“Were the pancakes that bad?”

He smirked at her.

“Nah, just teasing you.”

*****

They closed the car doors behind them.

“So, where’s this place of yours?”

“In the old abandoned construction site, west side of it.”

They drove in silence for less than a minute before Jane turned on the radio to some random music station. How long had it been since he last heard music? Apparently not long enough to appreciate Jane’s singing along to the radio. Why did she have to be such a pain in the ass?

“Stop it.”

She turned at him for a moment.

“Stop what?”

“This… singing or whatever it is you’re doing with your mouth.”

“Why?”

“It’s annoying to say the least.”

She ignored him and continued humming and singing.

“I said _stop it!_ ”

Isha angrily turns the radio off maybe a tad too harsh than needed. Jane, surprised and angry, went to turn it back on but he slapped her hand away.

“Hey! It’s my car!”

“And shotgun chooses the track, and I choose the silence.”

She frowned at him but pressed no further. Both of them angry at each other like kids after a tantrum.

_We used to sing when we were young. We’d sing and dance and laugh together. Do you remember those moments? You had such a beautiful voice, and with your body you could dance my problems away._

She inhaled sharply at the memory.

_You enraptured me with your spell._

They drove in silence for a while more. After a few minutes of nothingness, she had to distract herself.

“So, since I can’t sing and you don't mind me asking-”

“I _do_ mind.”

“And I don't really care, but here we are. So, why were you beaten up by neo-Nazis yesterday?”

He sighed as he let the seat engulf him more.

“Still refusing to accept my word?”

“Just want to get a clearer picture.”

“You’re not going to approve of it.”

“Again, don’t really care, now do I?”

_Why not? It’s not like she doesn’t know already._

“Well, I’d just finished a contract. Easy target, didn’t take more than a couple of hours. The employer had offered me a good sum for the job; guess he really wanted the guy out of the map. So there I was, like after every other hit: in a bar drinking my sorrows away with my favourite poison. I noticed them right away, of course, but I wasn’t the only ‘non-Aryan’ in the establishment, so I guess I just stood out. Or maybe I’d killed one of them before, not that I would have given a fuck about them either way.”

“Yeah, like you _never_ make noise wherever you go.”

“Anyway, they actually waited for me to leave the bar, have to give them credit for their dedication, but I miscalculated and three more I hadn’t seen before managed to creep up to me. They disarmed me _embarrassingly_ quick, but I also managed to do so to them before throwing enough punches in their direction. And then, I kid you not, one of them stabbed me with my _own_ dagger. Can you believe it? My own weapon!”

_Hit to his side. Duck. Dodged a fist._

_“Fucking terrorist! I'll slit your throat!”_

_Another on his ribs. Felt something break beneath my fist. Moved backwards to avoid a foot._

_“You fight like a pussy! Does all of your race fight so pathetically?”_

_Knee to his genitals. Another man on the ground. They were only six left now._

_“Oh, you wanna disobey your master? Then come for me you stupid fucking-!”_

_My fist connected square to his jaw as I felt my own blade cut through me._

Jane didn’t like how he talked, how he put his own life in danger so willingly way too fast and often, how he joked about it, how he explained it all like meeting a friend at the supermarket talking about a football match.

“Then they punched me more, threw me to the ground, kicked me some more and left with my precious dagger. And well, the rest you already know.”

_I tasted blood in my mouth, I felt blood on my hand when I put it where the blade had been. Where was my blade? Every part of me was screaming to fight back, to find shelter, to kill. I wanted to kill them all, kill anything and everything around me, but they were already gone. I had been left for dead, but I wouldn't give them this satisfaction. With everything I had, I endured the burning pain and rage in my body. I put one foot in front of the other, again, and again, and again, until I found a blue door. The bluest blue to ever blue._

_I knocked._

_Heard a voice inside. A voice I didn’t know I would be able to hear ever again._

_Knocked again._

“It’s here, on the left.”

Jane stopped the car outside of some clearly abandoned buildings. They had a roof and four walls, but was this really worth it?

“Is this where you live?”

“Not living, don’t really have a place. This is just one of my safe houses. I just have some of my stuff here; needed to lie low for a while.”

She got out and walked towards the front door. This wasn’t safe at all. Even with a chain and a lock, anybody with big enough cutters could come in. Not to mention the infections he could get from his still healing wounds.

“Where do you sleep then?”

“You know, here and there. Sometimes in a motel, sometimes on the mattress I have here. Can’t really leave blood stains in certain places.”

Jane followed Isha inside. She didn’t know how the place wasn’t falling apart. She remembered when they were constructing these buildings; they were supposed to be cheap residencies for the increasing demands in the stock that, in the end, never gave any money, and so, they also didn’t finish some of the houses in this area. He had led her to a spacious room. It wasn’t as mouldy as the others, but it still was quite dark. Guess having windows is a danger if you’re a mercenary. He grabbed some clothes and moved to an adjacent room.

“Stay here, be right back.”

It was all dirty and he didn’t have anything here; just the mattress he’d mentioned, a couple of suitcases, a small variety of weapons and a bag pack. It broke Jane’s heart that her oldest friend lived like this. Where did he eat if not here? How often did he eat without a fridge in place? Was the money really worth it if you were forced to live in these conditions? She didn’t know what to do, there was just a table with the bag pack; everything else was on the ground.

_How much longer will he survive like this?_

Isha came back with a dark shirt, some purple plaid pants and vest of the same pattern. What he did first was grab a pistol and put it in the back of his pants, followed by hiding more ammo inside his vest. He bent down to rummage through his back pack. He pulled out a handful of stacks of cash and handed it to her along with the clothing she had lent him.

“This should cover for the sofa, right?”

They both knew he was offering her way too much for a simple sofa, and yet he still wanted to give it to her.

“Isha… I- I can’t, this is too-”

“Consider this compensation for the problems that I’ve caused you.”

She knew he wasn’t just referring to last night; those problems went way back in time. She couldn’t move. This wasn't what she wanted _at_ _all_.

“Jane, just take the money and leave.”

She reluctantly moved away from the cash. His eyes were looking at her with a soft touch.

“I’ll stay out of your life. You won’t see or hear of me again.”

Was this a promise or a pact? Was it a sign of peace? She didn't need that much cash, but was this his resentment? His way of fixing and patching up their past?

It looked like it and she hated it.

In that moment she realised she didn’t want the money and she never had. Instead, she wanted him to be safe. She wanted him to change his life. She wanted him to heal both physically and mentally.

She just wanted her friend back.

“Please, Jane.”

But she said nothing. She followed his command and took the stacks, exited the building and left with her car, Isha still inside the room and the cash on the seat next to her. Was this it, then? Was this the end of their relationship? Wasn’t it what she had been hoping and wishing and praying for a long time? To leave him and her past behind her?

She didn’t turn on the radio on the way back. She didn’t sing any song. She didn’t hum any melody. She just… stayed silent.

Back at her home, she cried.

She cried as her soul broke in two.

She had a dreaded pit on her stomach telling her that the next time she would hear him or see him again, Isha would be dead on the streets, occupying just some secondary news in tomorrow’s newspaper.

And no one but her would care about him.

She felt better after a few hours. And by better it meant not crying anymore, but still being curled up on the floor, back pressed against her bedroom door. It was when she moved to call her psychiatrist that she noticed her phone wasn’t in her pocket. She searched everywhere on her person, every place inside her home, even in her car. It dawned on her that she had left it momentarily on that table that Isha had on that god forsaken building. Apparently, she hadn’t just left it momentarily after all, as she had been way too shocked when he offered her the money to remember her possession.

_Fuck._

_Shit. Fuck. Fuck fuck shit! NO!_

She had to go back for her phone.

She got in her car and rushed to that building. When she got there, the door was unlocked but there was no one inside. Jane looked everywhere, but it was clear that Isha had left some time ago. She found her phone where she had left it, but noticed something else. Isha had taken the bag pack, but not only that; one of the suitcases was open. It left a hole for a rifle that wasn’t there anymore.

_Oh no._

Jane paced around the room. It was clear now: Isha had gone to kill again even if he was still hurting. He was weak, healing, couldn’t run or fight that much without breaking the stitches and re-opening the wound. He might need help, he might be suffering… but Jane had no clue of where he had gone. She looked for anything at all that could help her, like a map or… or some diary or notebook, but the building was empty of any info.

She didn’t notice her breaths picked up a fast pace and her whole arms trembled until it was too late.

_Not again, please!_

Jane paced frantically around the room until she could stop. Once she was standing still, she repeated her technique.

“Five things you can see… Five things…”

But it was in vain, her mind refused to cooperate, raging screams and thoughts deafening her. Jane started to suffocate and hyperventilate at the same time as leaned against a wall and the table for support. She felt tears run down her cheeks again, but no sound escaped her lips, just the air that she so needed. At some point, she had closed her eyes and blocked her ears. It was all too much, _way_ _too much_.

She just wanted it all to stop.

…And it did stop. Slowly, her screaming mind lowered the volume, she could feel her breathing at a more normal pace. Her senses came back to her as she regained control of her own body. She felt better.

Until she heard his voice, his hand on her hair and sweat words being addressed to her.

She punched his face with all her might.

“WHAT THE FUCK ISHA?!”

She stood up quickly, towering over his startled body on the ground.

“WHAT THE FUCK WERE YOU THINKING?!”

Isha was still shocked by her action.

“YOU JUST NEED YOUR DOSE OF ADRENALINE THAT BAD?! CAN’T YOU SERIOUSLY _NOT_ MURDER SOMEBODY FOR A SINGLE DAY?!”

“Jane, listen-”

Isha tried to stand up, but Jane only hovered over him more, the sunlight framing her like an ethereal creature.

“YOU ARE HURT! YOU ARE HURT AND YOU GO BLOODY KILLING PEOPLE?!”

“Yes! I had to!”

“YOU COULD’VE BLOODY DIED! WHAT EXACTLY THE FUCK WAS SO IMPORTANT FOR YOU TO PUT YOUR LIFE AT RISK AGAIN?!”

“You!”

Silence reigned over them. All of Jane’s rage, all of her frustrations disappeared in an instant.

“You are.”

His voice was now soft, as soft as when he was reassuring her merely seconds ago.

“I… I don’t understand-”

“Of course you don’t.”

She wasn’t living in this cruel, dangerous world that he was in. She lived peacefully in a made up sense of security. She could live a long happy life while he didn’t know if he would get to see tomorrow’s sunrise.

“A couple of the Nazis followed me last night. Didn’t know about it until this morning when we left.”

As he stood up, she noticed the rifle on the doorframe alongside with the bag. It was used, but also discarded urgently. He had come to help her.

“You killed them.”

“Just two of them. One was following you, the other was following me.”

Jane gasped as she started to understand more of his world.

“Before you ask; no one is spying on you anymore, but I suggest you leave this place before dark.”

“Why?”

“They’re not after you; they’re after me. I still don’t understand why, but they only marked this location, not your home. This is not a safe house anymore.”

True to his word, Isha started packing everything in his bag pack and dismantled the rifle to fit it in its case once again. A thought crossed his mind.

“Why did you return here?”

“Forgot my phone.”

He had finished packing. He had always been fast at it, but this was professional-experience fast, life-or-death fast.

“Where are you gonna go?”

“Don’t know, far away from here.”

She didn’t want him to go. She didn’t want him to leave forever.

_Next time I will hear him or see him again, Isha will be dead._

“Come with me.”

Her words were out before she could’ve processed them. He turned his head with a raised eyebrow.

“Are you actually crazy?”

“You said they didn’t pay attention to my house. And you killed them. None of them know of my place and you’re too weak to go to another city.”

“I’m not _too weak_ , Jane.”

“Please, let me protect you. Stay by my side.”

Her words resonated in his mind.

_“I’ll always protect and heal you, no matter what. You’ll always be able to trust me. I’ll always be there by your side.”_

He wondered if she still remembered.

Jane extended her hand to him. She was offering more protection than what he was used to, an actual place to sleep, she was giving him a chance to change. It could go well, but it could also go downhill so fast. It was a risk she was willing to make.

“Please, Isha.”

He grabbed her hand.

*****

_I was supposed to be happy, I was supposed to enjoy this week._

_But I wasn’t. Not truly._

_On Monday, I finally had defended my thesis on theoretical physics and gained the title of ‘Ph.D.’ or Doctor of Philosophy. On Friday, I finished my medical residency training and gained the title of ‘M.D.’ or Medical Doctor. In more ways than one, I was more than officially a doctor. My lifelong dream, finally achieved._

_I was supposed to be happy, I was supposed to enjoy this week._

_But I wasn’t. Not truly._

_My friends had organised a party on Saturday. Yaz and Ryan were there, along with other colleagues from the hospital. Everyone was having a good time. We laughed, we told stories and we ate two cakes. Everyone was there, but it still felt like someone was missing._

_I was supposed to be happy, I was supposed to enjoy this week._

_But I wasn’t. Not truly._

_It was Sunday and I looked at a title on the news. A heavy weight I didn’t know I was carrying left my back. I sighed content. He was alive. He was well. He was out. Now I could only hope he would be safe. I reread the title again. ‘Professional Assassin and Causer of the November Massacre Leaves Prison’. They didn’t make him justice with that title. He was so, so much more. I was sure of it. I was sure he would change. He was already better than when he went in. Now I could only hope the world was also on his side._

_I was supposed to be happy, I was supposed to enjoy this week._

_And then I truly was._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for the support you are giving me with this story!
> 
> More chapters incoming!
> 
> I love seeing your Kuddos and reading your Comments! They really make my day!


	3. Acceptance

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> How could they move forward, without learning from the past?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another update! Yay!
> 
> I love this story so much I want to finish writing it asap but I also don't want it to end.
> 
> Oh, the conundrum!
> 
> TW: Mentions of Sex
> 
> TW: Mentions of Pregnancy

They were sitting on her sofa. A new sofa, mind you, but also purple. Jane was eating custard cream biscuits directly from the box and Isha was on his computer. They hadn’t heard from the neo-Nazis since he accepted her offer to stay at her house, but no one could ever be sure with people like them. He also kind of had a grudge against them and wanted to recover his precious dagger, but he couldn’t find a pattern in their movements or pinpoint a general location.

She had laid down some rules for him. Rule number one: No weapons unless imminent danger. Rule number two: He would sleep on the guest room upstairs, that way he could use the closet and other storage units for his stuff. Rule number three: He wouldn’t have a key, it wasn’t his house after all, but he could leave whenever he wanted and knew where to find Jane if he really needed her.

Isha was okay with those rules and understood that he was in no position to argue with her. So far, everything had been going on well enough. A couple of weeks had passed and it was like it all returned to normality. Jane went to work in the hospital every week day, Isha cooked the meals except for breakfast and they exchanged some words every now and then. Yaz and Ryan were aware of a part of the situation, but still hadn’t been able to meet in person since that stormy Friday.

So there they were; TV long forgotten and Jane alone with her thoughts and the biscuits. It had been an exhausting day at the hospital. A multiple car crash brought in a lot of patients and she had had to operate a lot of people under pressure.

She had saved most of them. She had lost some of them.

No one would have been able to save them all.

Jane was so exhausted she hadn’t even gone into tinkering mode, empty of energy to move. She did, however, have a lot of energy and time to think.

Also, she had a lot of energy to talk.

“Why did you come to me? That day, when you were attacked. Why did you choose me?”

Isha looked up from the screen of his laptop, knowing she wouldn’t stop nagging him and asking questions. He decided it was best to relax and answer.

“Supposed an angry friendly face was better than an angry unknown paramedic.”

“How did you know where I lived?”

He let out a chuckle, a smirk plastered on his face.

“We exchanged a couple of letters when I was in prison, remember? You kinda needed to put your address on the envelope.”

Jane processed the new information he had given to her.

“You still have them.”

It wasn't a question. It was a soft, gentle spoken phrase of acceptance. He took a moment to respond.

“…Yeah.”

“Are you still _that_ sentimental?”

“Maybe not as much as you are.”

“And why would you think so?”

“You let me in.”

He was right. She had always hated it when he had a valid point. For some reason, however, she didn’t hate him for that anymore. She still clung to the past, of what had been, and he knew it.

“We hadn’t seen each other in more than a decade and you let me inside your home.”

How long had it been since they’d met face to face?

“It’s been fourteen years.”

Isha’s expression changed. His eyebrows lowered, his eye twitched, his jaw tensed as he spoke.

“Fourteen years since you broke our promise.”

“And I’ve regretted that decision every single minute since that fateful day.”

Of course he was still angry at her. He had been furious at her fourteen years ago, after all. Things like that were not easy to let go, let alone forgive.

“Say, Jane, if you could go back in time, if you were there again, would you have kept your promise? Would you change your past?”

Her heart sank deeply.

“Isha…”

He looked away from her. He had expected this answer.

“Then you don’t actually regret it.”

“I do! But neither option was the correct one! Sometimes, in life, the only options you can choose from are all wrong answers! I don’t know where we would be if I had kept my promise, so I can’t be sure I wouldn’t change the past.”

“You broke my heart.”

His voice cracked when he spoke slowly. He was trying so hard to control himself, to not switch his mode with Jane in the room. Although he still wanted her to feel his pain.

“We were sixteen, Isha! What would we have done?”

“You _destroyed_ my heart! You left me there alone, Jane! You broke _our_ promise and look at what I’ve become! Do you think I like how my mind works? Huh? How I know I probably won’t make it to forty? People with my work would sell their souls to get where I am today, but do you think I've had it easy? After everything I’ve _suffered_?”

She couldn’t feel her tears down her cheek, but she could see his glazed eyes as tears of his own fell down his face, almost shy.

“I’m-”

“Don’t you dare.”

Isha’s voice was controlled, harsh, filled with unspoken threats.

“Say you’re sorry and I’m out.”

Jane recoiled. They were both hurting. They both had been hurting for a long time, but neither of them moved. The past still haunted them in its own peculiar, convoluted way. Neither of them knew how to recover from their wounds. Like someone who had severed their limbs, they felt impotent to fate’s consequences.

“Answer me these questions, would you?”

She turned to look at him when he spoke. His eyes red, still facing forwards, not even wanting to look at her.

“Anything.”

Her voice was broken. He took a deep breath, locked their eyes and asked.

“Were you ever in love with me, or was that a farce?”

_You were my first kiss, my first love. We were young, but we already knew we couldn’t live without the other. I cupped your tender face and kissed you under the stars, under the moonlight. You loved the night sky, you told me so a long time ago. Your lips, soft and gentle, joined mine in perfect harmony. You put your arms around my neck and I didn’t care. I didn’t care because we were both together, inexperienced and clumsy, but it felt oh so perfect._

_I didn’t know what I was doing, my heart guiding my entire body, but it made you smile when we pulled away, and that was enough for me. I decided I wanted to make you happy for the rest of my life, one caress at a time, so I kissed you again. A thumb brushed against your cheek, releasing a moan from your mouth._

_It was the first time you moaned against me and I wanted to hear it again. I wanted to hear you again. Wanted to make you feel perfect, and whole, and loved. Because you were._

_We kissed for the whole night._

The memory still hurt him to this day. They had drifted so much apart from the other…

“Everything I told you was true. Everything we did… I loved you more with each passing day.”

Jane spoke sincerely, hiding nothing, just like the old times. They were outcasts, they only had themselves, but that was enough. It was them against the world. It had always been that way.

“Did you ever regret loving me?”

He could only hear her breathing with his closed eyes.

“If you could go back in time, knowing what I have become, would you still have said you loved me back?”

When she answered him again, her voice was as soft and gentle as her lips when he first kissed her.

“Loving you was never a choice for me. You were the only constant in my life, the only thing that kept me grounded and happy in that awful place. I think I’d always loved you, but I was too shy to say it first, scared that you might reject me. I’m glad you confessed first; gave me the chance to tell you how I felt.”

The air around them went dark and cold when he asked once more.

“...Did you ever stop loving me after the November Massacre?”

“No.”

She surprised him with her direct answer. When he looked at her again, she was crying.

“I never did. I hated you, though. I hated you with every single part of me. But maybe the reason I had so much hatred for you was because I still loved you. I loved you so much and I hated that you hurt me the way you did. I guess, in the end, we both broke each other’s hearts.”

“Believe we did. What a tragedy, our lives.”

Silence fell over them again, but the previous tension and hatred was gone. The tears remained on their faces, still a sofa away from the other. Jane smiled sadly when _she_ asked him a question.

“Did you?”

“Did I what?”

“Ever stop loving me?”

“Never.”

Isha played with his hands. He always did when he was conflicted; sometimes clenching and unclenching them, other times moving his fingers between them, rarely, he drummed a four-beat melody.

“I wanted to hurt you like you hurt me, I wanted to make you pay for abandoning me and I _hated_ myself because I still loved you. But I never stopped loving you.”

Love.

After all this time, there was still love between them. The outcasts, the weirdos, destined to love each other until the end of time itself. Love had grown on them and attached itself into their souls, never leaving them, making them suffer incredible amounts through their lives.

Jane knew he hadn’t stopped loving her just as Isha knew she hadn’t stopped loving him.

She took the initiative again.

“It wouldn’t have worked, you know? Your plan.”

“Yeah, it was shit, but we didn’t know any better.”

Jane sighted as he put her hands on her face.

“We were so blind.”

“God, we were _so_ in love.”

“Yeah, we were.”

Isha locked eyes again with her when she moved her hands away.

“How could we have been so stupid?”

“We were hormonal teenagers, Isha. What else would you have expected from us?”

He smirked at her.

_Oh, no. That smirk only meant trouble._

“Maybe more sex?”

“For God’s sake!”

She threw a cushion she had been clutching at him as he laughed. It dawned on her that this was the first time she had heard him laugh in fourteen years.

“What’s wrong, Jane? Can’t a man dream?”

“We had _plenty_ of sex!”

“Go on then, tell me you wouldn’t have wanted to spend more time in bed with me.”

_You know we would have if we had been able to._

“We had to control our supplies of condoms. And with us fucking basically _every day_ , we were always running low of them, even when we took so many every single week.”

They smiled fondly at their young adventures. Nights of endless kisses, of endless touching, of endless stars in their eyes.

They didn’t realise they had so _so_ much to lose.

“Wait, do you remember when they told us about babies?”

Jane gasped, her mouth wide before a big grin appeared on her face.

“Oh. My. God! I do! I remember your absolutely terrified face!”

Isha chuckled warmly.

“Yours wasn’t any better either.”

“Well, if my memory serves right, we had done it the night before, hadn’t we?”

“And without protection.”

Without knowing, their bodies had relaxed against the sofa, no longer tense with the other’s company. They did just that, savour the intimate moment of confidence after years of distrust. Jane couldn’t believe it quite yet.

“Gosh, imagine that. What would we have done with a baby at that age? We were minors!”

“I don’t know and I’m glad I don’t.”

They met each other’s eyes. His teeth sparkled as his smile blinded her. It warmed her heart before speaking.

“Overall, I think everything could have gone so much worse.”

“Yeah, it went pretty well in general. We had our ups and downs, but everyone does.”

“I’m glad you stayed by my side, even if I did break our promise.”

The promise. The thing that made them fall apart, the thing that started and ended it all. She _was_ the one who’d broken it, but when was she talking about? Was it now or was it then, fourteen years ago? Regardless of time, his answer was the same.

“Yeah, me too.”

She couldn’t help but yawn, exhaustion washing over her. The day _had_ been exhausting for her and who would know about tomorrow? She had to get up early, her shift wasn’t the most pleasant one, but at least she didn’t have to work either nights or weekends. She got up to her feet and stretched her arms.

“I’m done for the day. You going to sleep?”

“Let me close my laptop and I’ll go straight to bed.”

“Any requests for tomorrow’s breakfast?”

“Something with bacon?”

“Got it.”

Isha could clearly hear her tiredness in her voice. She yawned again, rubbing her eyes sluggishly. She looked like an exhausted big baby. She was walking up the stairs when he heard Jane again.

“See ya tomorrow. G’night, Koschei.”

His heart skipped a beat. She probably hadn’t even noticed her slip. His next words didn’t quite reach her ears.

“Night, Theta.”

*****

_He had brought her outside to the gardens, even if it was not allowed to leave the building after eight. She had followed him, of course she had. They always followed wherever the other was going. It was something peculiar, how much they trusted each other. He led her into the starry sky, full moon shining bright, a soft dim light illuminating her face._

_She looked beautiful._

_“What’s wrong, Koschei?”_

_His heart was beating so rapidly he was sure she would actually hear it._

_“I wanted to tell you something.”_

_“What is it? Did you find another bug for me?”_

_He hadn’t found another one, but even if he had, how could he have been able find another orange bug during the night?_

_“What? No! Theta, this is serious!”_

_“Okay, okay. Shoot.”_

_His confidence banished in an instant, his tongue tied up in his mouth._

_“I- I… Uhm…”_

_“It’s alright, take your time.”_

_He took a deep breath and looked at her. She always gave him strength, she always had. Even in his darkest days, she was the light of his life._

_“I like you. Like, I like like you. A lot.”_

_Moments passed before she responded._

_“You… like like me?”_

_“Yeah.”_

_“For real?”_

_“Kinda the point, here.”_

_She laughed, and suddenly all the tension he had disappeared. He smiled at her, even if she couldn’t see it with her eyes closed._

_“You silly sausage, it’s called love, then. Only little kids like like each other.”_

_He frowned and tilted his head like a confused puppy._

_“And teens don’t?”_

_“Teens like us and adults love each other, Kosch. I read so.”_

_“Oh, no. Don’t tell me you read it from that awful book in the library?”_

_“It’s good!”_

_“Their relationship could never work! He’s a bad person, he hurts others! She would never love him!”_

_“Oi! Everyone is capable of love.”_

_He gave up and sighted. He really was in love with her, wasn’t he?_

_“You truly are a hopeless romantic, you know that, Theta?”_

_“Yep. Not gonna change.”_

_“Then let me say it again.”_

_He grabbed both of her hands, taking her by surprise for a single moment. She looked at him with those eyes, those hazel eyes he had fallen in love with, now shining as bright as the stars above them._

_All his strength magically returned._

_“I love you, Theta. You’re the only one I love. I will keep our promise for as long as I love you, and I don’t intend on ever stop loving you.”_

_Her eyes teared up._

_“Theta?”_

_Before he knew it, she threw herself onto him. She hugged him with all of her strength, never wanting to let go._

_“I love you too. I’ll always love you, Koschei. No matter what.”_

_Their smiles were wide. Their hearts were true. He cupped her tender face and leaned down. They were under the stars, under the moonlight._

_Her lips, soft and gentle, joined his in perfect harmony._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't know how to write fluff, I only know angst. 
> 
> Did I do it right?
> 
> As always I truly enjoy the Kuddos and Coments you leave me!


	4. The Betrayer

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The group have another friends' night. Might something else stir up the next morning?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry I took so long!
> 
> I had a lot of uni work and now with the covid-19 it's been a crazy week where I live.
> 
> Anyway, have some soft and domestic Jane x Isha (+ Yaz and Ryan in the background)
> 
> TW: Mentions of Rape

It was Friday night and yet again, Ryan, Yaz and Jane decided to have a friends’ night. The group had decided to meet at Jane’s like always, it had started there just because her house was bigger, and it became a tradition for them onwards. It had been too long since they had met face to face, last time had been more than a month ago. When Yaz and Ryan arrived, they weren’t so surprised to find Isha also there. He was the one who opened the door for them, as Jane was busy in the kitchen still cooking, just finishing the meal for all of them.

Ryan, Yaz and Isha were setting the table together when Yaz decided to speak.

“So, you’ve decided to stay?”

Isha took a moment to realize she was speaking to him.

“Yeah, that is, until I can find a place of my own.”

“You work?”

“No. I gamble. That’s… That’s how I got stabbed, actually. Bit of a misunderstanding and darker skin colour.”

“Sounds like a rough life, gambling, that is. I understand the skin thing.”

Ryan gave an offer to him.

“Hey, if you want work, I could set you up at the garage. Need an extra pair of hands, you know?”

“Oh, thanks, but I'd have to decline. Need to keep moving.”

Yaz frowned. Didn’t Isha see that his life was dangerous and unstable? Who wouldn’t want a job?

“Why though? You could settle, I can look more into the Nazis and you’ve got friends here.”

Isha chuckled lightly.

“I’d hardly count Jane as more than one person, even if she’s always all over the place.”

“I meant us! Every friend of Jane’s a friend of ours. Right, Ryan?”

“’Course!”

“And she obviously still sees you as one, so I’m afraid that we come with the pack.”

Isha turned to look at them with a questioning look. They had smiles on their faces. Were they his friends? The only one he’d ever been close to had been Jane and that hadn’t ended so well for him. He had to keep lying to them. He had to keep playing this persona, put up an illusion.

“Will you at least think about it?”

“I will, Yaz. Thank you too, Ryan.”

The illusion would fade if they looked into his past. Into who he was and what he did.

“Dinner’s ready!”

Jane’s voice sounded throughout the house just as they laid down the last fork. Isha turned around to ask Yaz.

“Also, how is it that she has never burned down the kitchen?”

A head poked out of the wall.

“Oi! Heard you!”

Yaz sighed.

“She is dangerous after all. Glad you do most of the cooking for her.”

“She mentioned that bit?”

“Yeah, apparently your meals are divine. Next time, maybe you could show off some of your dishes instead of the safety hazard over there.”

“What’cha talking about?”

Said safety hazard hadn’t heard them walk up to the kitchen to retrieve the dinner.

“Nothing in particular. So, what are we eating?”

The food wasn’t actually that bad. It was a bit crispy on some parts, but delicious nonetheless. They talked while eating. Talked about anything and everything, but mostly about how their week had been. Jane sometimes stole glances at Isha; he looked like he was enjoying himself, but Jane knew that that face could hide so much if he so desired.

He was a master of manipulation, after all. He had to be to survive in this cruel world.

The subject had died a few seconds ago before Yaz revived the conversation.

“So, enough about us, what about you, Isha? Where did you meet Jane?”

“Oh, it was at school. First day of class.”

“You mean at the orphanage?”

Neither Yaz or Ryan bought his lie.

“You don't have to lie to us, you know.”

“No, I- I mean, I wasn’t sure if she told you about it. Didn’t want to expose her without her consent.”

Isha truly looked ashamed of himself, he didn’t even meet their eyes. Jane took it upon herself to stabilise the situation.

“It’s okay. It took me quite some time to tell them actually, but you two were very supportive and didn’t think less of me.”

“Of course not! What kind of friends would we be?”

Calm settled again between them as Ryan asked again.

“So, _when_ did you two meet?”

Jane scrunched her face.

“We were… I believe four?”

“You acted like a four-year-old, but we were actually six.”

Ryan laughed before talking again.

“Oh, so we are all the same age!”

“Yep, we’re just a month apart Isha and myself.”

“So, you were six when you arrived there?”

Yaz’s question was followed by dead silence. Jane and Isha looked at the other before Yaz realised her mistake.

“Oh, I’m so sorry! I shouldn’t have asked-!”

Isha had to cut her off.

“No, no, it’s quite okay. It’s in the human nature to ask questions.”

Jane hadn’t talked that much about her past to anybody else like that. It still stung her, decades later, but she had grown on it. Her voice was stable as she spoke.

“We both don’t know anything about our biological families. We were dropped off in different centres while still being babies. I don’t care about who they were. They didn’t care enough about me, so why should I?”

“Well, from what I remember, you were crying for this reason when I met you.”

Jane felt her cheeks heat up of embarrassment at Isha’s comment.

“Oh, God! You haven’t forgotten?”

“Of course I haven’t! It was you ninth day there after your transferral, didn’t have any friends and you’re still crying.”

Jane faked crying in her voice as she pleaded him.

“Nooo! Don’t tell them that!”

“Why? Believe you’ll embarrass yourself, Jane?”

_God that smirk._

“Yes!”

“Oh, you _have_ to tell us more now.”

“Gotta have those baby Jane stories.”

Yaz and Ryan had fully forgotten about their supper as their investment was solely on Isha. Who, in turn, was grabbed by Jane by the arm, shaking him as if this could do anything to stop him.

“Oh! I’ve got a good one! From when we were eight.”

Jane’s curiosity peaked.

“Which one?”

“We were walking on the grass when we found a dandelion.”

Jane’s face paled as she remembered.

“Oh no.”

Isha continued.

“A white one, you know, the ones you blow away?”

“Isha, don’t you dare!”

Isha was more determined now that he didn’t have Jane’s approval.

“I convinced her that if you blew them, the wish went to someone else, so instead, to get the wish for herself...”

“NO, NO! ISHA PLEASE!”

“…She had to swallow the seeds.”

Jane was fully hiding her face behind Isha’s shoulder, embarrassment overcoming her. She didn’t see Yaz’s or Ryan’s reaction, but she sure heard their laughs.

“Oh my…”

“No way!”

“You didn’t, Jane!”

“She did, actually.”

Jane was pouting, crossing her arms around her chest.

“This isn’t funny anymore.”

“She kept coughing up the seeds up until we went to sleep.”

Jane wasn’t truly angry, but she did squint her eyes at her friends.

“Shouldn’t have invited you. Not you or you either.”

“You were such a dumb kid!”

“She still is.”

“Okay. You are all uninvited as for, right now!”

Yaz’s and Ryan’s sounds of disapproval were music to her ears.

“Noooo! Jane, please!”

“You’re all still laughing! I hurt my throat really bad!”

They managed to beg Jane to let them stay, but she wouldn’t have thrown them out under any circumstance. They had been playing and they all got a laugh out of it, no harm done.

They ended up talking more on the sofa. Well, Yaz and Ryan _were_ on the sofa, Isha and Jane sat on the floor. Isha’s back resting against the coffee table facing Yaz. He had Jane’s head on his lap, her eyes closed, resting after another exhausting day. Ryan was dead to the world on his sofa corner.

“Can I ask something personal?”

Isha didn’t stop playing with Jane’s hair.

“I guess so.”

“How did you two… fall apart?”

He had seen the question coming. Yaz was curious, she wanted to fill in the blanks. Maybe that is why she joined the force. As he let out a sigh, she continued.

“When we met you that day, when you were stabbed, it looked like you two had parted a long time ago, and not in the best of terms.”

“What happened, is that Jane got adopted. We had a bit of a fight, didn’t see each other anymore.”

“What about you, Isha? Where did you end up?”

“Oh, I got out of the system when I turned eighteen. Had nowhere to go, so I started gambling to gain some money.”

He could feel her eyes on him.

“Sounds lonely.”

“I took care of myself, I had to in order to survive.”

After a while, Yaz and Ryan left for their respective homes. They had just finished cleaning up the mess when Jane hugged Isha. It took him by surprise. He didn’t know what to do with his arms and hands. Jane buried her head where his shoulder and neck met, arms tightly around his chest, meeting on his back.

“I missed you.”

It had been a long time since he had been hugged. Too long maybe. No one had hugged him in the orphanage, every other kid bullied him. No one had hugged him but Jane. Once he got out, no one had wanted to hug a murderer, an assassin, not on the outside world and not in prison. If there was someone who didn’t fear him, it was because they wanted to kill him. No one had hugged him… but Jane.

Jane had always been there for him, had always loved him, no matter what he did, no matter who he had become. He saw the girl he had met on that corner, the girl he had kissed under the stars, the girl who made the promise with him… He saw love in Jane.

And he hoped she also saw it in him.

He relaxed under her touch, her slow breathing calming him. In the end, his body remembered. He remembered to put his arms around her just the way she liked it. He remembered to put his head just the same way she had put his. Equals, she had once said. They had been equals in their eyes, before everything had gone wrong.

He massaged her hair and felt her falling asleep on his arms.

“Yeah, missed you too.”

*****

It was morning when someone found her. They had phoned the police and Yaz and her partner arrived to the scene in record time. The paramedics where already there, Yaz went to the poor girl as her partner kept onlookers at a bay from the ambulance. In the vehicle, there was a shaking girl. She couldn’t have been older than fifteen, if she even was as old as that. Yaz knew what had happened immediately with the expression on her face. She didn’t need to tell Jane what happened when they brought the girl to the hospital; sadly, she also knew what that specific expression meant.

The girl had been raped.

After some tests, the doctors found out that there was some internal damage to the girl. Luckily, the damage was light enough that Jane wouldn’t have to operate on her. She had sighed in relief. Jane was still the girl’s assigned doctor and, as a friend of Yaz’s, they worked together to help the poor girl as much as they could. The two women were gentle with the girl, went at her pace, let her breath and cry as much as she needed.

Late that evening, when Isha asked her about her day, she told him. She told him that a man had raped a thirteen-year-old girl. They still knew nothing of the man, but maybe tomorrow she would tell them more.

The next day, the girl did tell them more. There were bits and pieces, but managed to recreate what had happened to the child. A man had kidnapped her after school. He had drugged her and later he violated her. They already knew that from the analysis, but she told them either way. When he kicked her to the streets, it had taken her some time to remember why she felt tainted, the drug still in her system.

Back at her home, when Isha asked her about the girl, she cried. She was asking who would do such a thing in his arms.

On the third day, the girl had begun describing the man before Yaz called for the police force artist to make a drawing of him. The girl had to take several breaks, but no one was pushing her. They all went at her pace, taking one step after the other. One stroke of the pencil at a time, and before they knew it, they had their portrait.

The artist showed the two women the drawing. Neither Yaz nor Jane recognised the man, but the tattoos of swastikas on his neck were an obvious clue of who he might be.

That night, when Isha asked her about the case, Jane told him that a neo-Nazi had attacked the girl. Isha asked for the police drawing and she showed him.

Isha didn’t tell Jane he recognised the rapist, that he had been one of the group that had attacked him on that night.

He didn’t tell her what he was going to do, but she knew either way.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oooooh... could there actually be plot in here?
> 
> How dark is it going to get?
> 
> What do you think it's going to happen?
> 
> Thank you for comenting and leaving kuddos I love you all so much!


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